According to a Reuters report, weathered and overrated actor Tom Sizemore was jailed on Friday when he was caught using a prosthetic penis to fake a drug test result as part of his probation. Sizemore will remain behind bars until a hearing on February 24, unless he posts $25,000 bail. He has been subjected to random drug tests as part of his probation for convictions on unrelated charges of methamphetamine possession and beating his ex-girlfriend, madam Heidi Fleiss. The Reuters story goes into the following detail:
"During Thursday's proceedings, prosecutors told Judge Baretto that Sizemore failed three drug tests in three days, the first after he was caught using a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts and filled with a clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack. Carney said the ruse was revealed when the temperature of the sample proved too cool to have come from Sizemore's body, and he was asked to remove his pants.
According to prosecutors, Sizemore had been caught once before trying to use a similar device, sold over the Internet under the brand name the Whizzinator, and had failed drug tests on at least five occasions."
Sizemore's attorney attempted to salvage some kind of sympathy for the actor by stating he was "destitute, living in a garage in Whittier, California, and that he was an expectant father," but baretto showed little concern for that, stating instead that Mr. Sizemore's drug use was "out of control."
Cheers, Tom! You've reached new hieghts of stupidity! I mean, anyone who is a repeat drug offender, who has failed multiple tests in the recent past, and who is under extreme legal scrutiny just about every hour of every day has to have the I.Q. of a garden hose to pull this kind of scam--no pun intended. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. One day, you're on top of the world starring in movies like "Saving Private Ryan" and "Heat," and the next, you're huddled close to your computer in your underwear at 2 AM buying a rubber dildo off of eBay.
But weep not for Sizemore. You see, he had a legitimate reason for purchasing the prosthetic organ in question--aside from faking his urine sample. The truth is, any man who raises his hand to a woman has no penis of his own, so he obviously needed to rectify that absence in his pants. I'm actually surprised there was any stock left on this item, considering all the sales to boy-racers who speed nightly in cars they can't afford while sitting extremely far back in their drivers' seats. But, I guess customer preference is one of those perks you get as a big-time hollywood star, huh?
