And the Father of the Year Award Goes to...

"Did I mention my daughter forgot to file our taxes for the last 5 years? Damn her!" The NY Daily News has reported that a Parsippany, NJ man has been accused of pointing a high-powered laser at two aircraft near Teterboro airport. Upon being questioned by Federal authorities, David Banach, 38, attempted to blame the incident on his seven-year-old daughter--before eventually owning up to the deed himself. Honestly--how do people like this stay alive long anough to walk the Earth? It's not enough that this loser excuse for an "adult" is alleviating his mid-life crisis by pointing harmful optical rays at pilots to see what kind of crash he can create--he goes one step further by blaming his own daughter for it. There just aren't enough insults to lambast this grade-a doofus with. How did this man get married and procreate? Are we to believe there was no evidence of his idiocy before his lucky wife exchanged vows with him? Or is it more likely that she ignored the warning signs so that she could settle down and raise a group of undoubtedly mentally scarred children in downtown Parsippany? Thankfully, the U.S. government has whipped out the Patriot Act and has dropped its full, steely weight on this dolt's oversized--yet empty--noggin. Hear, Hear! It's bad enough that we have random insane religious fanatics cooking up schemes to do us all in, now we have to worry about some dumbass white trash loser taking down jets from his backyard. One can only hope that Mr. Banach's next stop is some penitentiary where the only pointer he handles is that of his sweaty, obese cell-mate. One more thing: Won't it be a happy day when this poor girl grows up and hears about this wonderful hallmark memory? If she hasn't already been driven insane by her parents, my guess is she'll be out the door to changer her name faster than a beam of commercial-grade laser. Now, if we could only use the Patriot Act on those dumbasses with laser pointers in movie theaters. Sigh.