| This is slightly old news, so forgive me for being a little late on this one. The other night, I was tooling through the cable channels when I came along a video for the newest musical vomit from Limp Bizkit: The ear-bleeding remake of the classic Who song, "Behind Blue Eyes." That alone is enough to sicken any self-respecting music fan. But it gets worse... horribly worse. After watching this pile of crap for a few seconds, I realized the song must be on the "Gothika" soundtrack--since the video contains clips from the film, and includes the beautiful Halle Berry herself. In one scene, Ms. Berry, as a doctor, enters a cell where Fred "lack of manhood" Durst is sitting. The two exchange looks: Halle looking concerned, and Durst looking vapid as usual. Then the unthinkable occurs: This couple made in my nightmares actually begins to kiss each other. And, after this nauseating smooch, the two have swtiched places, and Halle remains in the cell as the patient. | |
I can't begin to tell you how disgusted I was by this. My soul was chilled to the bone, and it was at that moment I wished MTV came with air sickness bags. How could you, Halle? Did they drug you? Did they promise you billions of dollars and guaranteed world peace? What on earth could make you exchange saliva with this walking excrement? Durst is not only untalented, unnattractive, and unintelligent--he's a hateful, mysoginistic, prejudiced bastard. And that's on his good days! A small part of me is still trying to convince myself that there was some kind of CG special effect that gave the "illusion" of Halle kissing that freak of nature--but I know that would just be wishful thinking.
My advice to Ms. Berry: find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide as quickly as possibly--I'm not talking that namby-pamby "3%" over-the-counter stuff, I mean the raw chemical compound. Pour it into your mouth and swish it around for 3 hours. After that, drink an entire bottle of listerine, followed by three days of continuous teeth brushing with detergent. Then, take the longest shower of your life... we're talking "Silkwood" showering. I fear this may not cleanse you completely, but it's a good start.
As for Durst, no punishment would be enough for this infraction. But I'll try anyway. First, he should be repeatedly dropped naked into a pile of extra-sharp razor blades about 15 times. Afterwards, drop the doofus into a tank of pure lemon juice. Next, tie the bastard to the front of a giant gas tanker, and have the tanker drive at a speed exceeding 110 miles per hour into an oncoming Saturn V rocket--going over 400 miles per hour. On second thought, that may be too easy.
Seriously, I have to question Halle Berry's integrity on this one. While I still think she's beautiful, I can't believe she'd be in the same room with someone as morally repugnant as Durst, let alone kiss the bastard.
I swear to God, if Britney Spears starts making out with Bill Gates, I'll be forced to assume the Apocolypse has arrived.
