This is where Teela comes in. Admit it: when you were a kid, you dug Teela. Sure, she was no Cheetara from "Thundercats," but she was right up there. Out of work for years, Teela has made a strong comeback, currently working on Cartoon Network's new version of "Masters Of The Universe." Today, Teela is the shiznit. No longer held back by tight morals and stereotypical casting, Teela has it all: The body of Britney, the skillz of Jackie Chan, and the brains of a Rhodes Scholar. So the question is, why isn't she getting more roles?
When you do the math, she totally outguns today's "girl-of-the-moment" superstars. Take for instance miss Jennifer Lopez, who currently commands more media than a global conflict. Side by side, this isn't even a fair fight. I mean, lets be honest: Teela would never have gotten involved in "gigli," nor would she be parading around town with a faux-gangster (P. Diddy) or Ben Affleck.
Producers have to wise up and start thinking outside the box. Stop handing out roles to Mandy Moore, Denise Richards, and Beyonce. Tap into the toon market, and there's a bevy of talented women waiting to take your project to the next level.
And, if you don't mind them having some (sometimes violent) creative input from your leading lady, soon you'll be acting like a fool onstage at the Oscars screaming, "I'm king of the world!... if that's OK with you, Teela."
J. LO | TEELA | |
| Home: | Miami; Los Angeles; "The Block" | Kingdom of Eternia |
| Occupation: | Alleged Actress/Singer | Active Master Of the Universe |
| Special Skill: | Ability to date and marry infinite times | Expert at hand-to-hand combat |
| Famous Relatives: | Sister does news on channel 11 | Father: Man-At-Arms, Mother: Sorceress of Greyskull |
| Former Beaus: | Ojani Noa, Chris Judd, P. Diddy, Ben Affleck | Saving herself for He-Man |
| Trivia: | Insured her buttocks for $300,000 | Is a latent clairvoyant |
| In "The Wedding Planner"... | Awkwardly tries to win a husband to be away from his fiancee | Would kick fiancee's ass with bare fists, use former husband as sex toy until bored |
| In "Enough"... | Goes into hiding from abusive husband; learns self-defense to confront him | Would never stand for abusive husband; Uses serpent staff to make him sterile |
| In "Maid in Manhattan"... | is a hotel maid that pretends to be high-society to impress foppish politician | Could care less about foppish politician, destroys hotel. |
| In "Gigli"... | Plays a lesbian mob girl who falls for Ben Affleck | Would order guards of Eternia to attack screenwriter's offices. |
| Famous Quote: | When asked what she got on her SAT's, she replied, "nail polish" | "Die Skeletor!" |
