So I recently had the pleasure of spotting one of those grating commercials for the upcoming Fox release, "Turistas." After a mere 30 seconds, I was effectively sickened and annoyed. No, not because the marketing strangely confuses people into thinking the title is "Turistas Go Home"-- rather, I was annoyed by the intense level of hatred I had for it's characters and their predicament.
For those who don't know, the movie can be summed up in one sentence: Several teens vacation in an exotic locale where their trip turns deadly at the hands of violent inhabitants. (Who says films lack originality today?) In the brief seconds advertising this film, I came to realize that I wanted every person on this trip dead--and quickly.
Why? You have to ask? A bunch of whiney, smarmy teens leeching off daddy's money to vacation in a "cool" hipster exotic place--where they most likely act like self-important royalty from Ahhhmeeericaaaa--frolicking around and claiming that drinking and "blazin' 420" equals an "educational international experience?" Do the math.
Take your pick in the commerical: The "nails on a chalkboard" wanna-be Ms. Fodor's girl saying, "you're such a tourist," the equally nauseating, "mind if I go topless" comment, or even the sickening "I want to go home!" at the end of the ad. Nothing in that 30 second makes me care one damn bit about these fools. When I saw the quick flash of the foreigners hitting one of them (right after the voiceover guy says, "they don't know their customs") I cracked a smile. When they start dying one by one, I got downright happy! My only gripe? Obviously one of those idiots undoubtedly survives.
My version of the film? The group of teens get lost looking for pot and a suitable wifi spot to check their MySpace pages. When they wander too far, they are captured by the area's inhabitants and are ALL killed instantly with rather large metallic sharp objects. 5 minutes, tops. I guess we're talking about a short film, really. Or, a music video suitable for the proper audience.
Oh, and by the way, don't play it off as if I'm getting old to "appreciate the genre"--I'd have wanted these dolts dead if I was 12. Who wouldn't?
